Scurrying like rats in the House of Bush

Its starting now. With the indictment of I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby, our Vice President Cheney's Chief of Staff, on perjury and obstruction charges today we are seeing this administrations true colors come to light and even the most jaded conservatives are having trouble defending them. Libby was "a driving force behind the administration's march to war against Iraq and helped assemble evidence -- later proven false -- asserting that Saddam Hussein possessed weapons of mass destruction, which became the rationale for the U.S.-led invasion."

After years of lies and deceit the house of Bush is becoming mortal and we the people are finally getting our head's out of our collective asses.

They are scurrying for cover on Pennsylvania Ave. The support for the war is at an all time low as is Bush's approval rating. But does he care? He got his 4 more years. It will be his legacy that will be stained and it will be a hell of a lot more stained then any "dress".

Thanks again Ohio.



getting ready for a revolution,

Juntin

Nice try Gus

Saturday Morning, post insomnia.

I had my first paralyzing dream last night. You know the one where you wake up and you cannot move. Totally paralyzed. Freaked the shit out of me. I think it may have to do with a few things. One, I couldn't sleep a goddamned wink last night and two, I couldn't get the pseudo Kurt Cobain biopic movie Lord Duke and I had just suffered through out of my head.
I am a huge Nirvana fan and equally intrigued with Kurt Cobain. I still have a tattered scrapbook containing all the news clippings of his suicide and all the major magazines covering his death. Its funny how teenagers in the 60's kept scrapbooks of The Beatles and dreamy photos of Davey Jones and this teenager kept a scrapbook of his dead hero with dreary photos of his splayed out legs, post shotgun blast to Valhalla. But I digress.

So when I learned that Film Director Gus Van Sant was helming a Biopic about Cobain titled "Last Days" I couldn't think of a better guy to bring it to the screen. After all this is the Director who has brought us such great pictures like "Good Will Hunting", "My Own Private Idaho" and my personal favorite "Drugstore Cowboy". Of course the Cobain estate would not give Van Sant permission to use Kurts name or songs so they created a character named "Blake". Blake is based on Cobain as he is a doped out grunge rocker who is hiding out at his home in the woods of the Pacific Northwest, ignoring friends, family,bandmembers and even a private detective. But then again its not Kurt at all. Sure he looks like him and dresses EXACTLY like him and even plays a song very much like a tune Kurt would pen but its not Kurt. In fact you would really have no damn idea what this film was really about unless you were aware of Cobain and his story. Maybe Gus figured everyone knows Cobain's story. I would like to think Kurt's last day on earth wasn't much like Van Sant's version. Blake walks through the woods, makes some food, mumbles to himself incoherently all while avoiding practically everyone around him. The film itself looks beautiful. The rich colors and cinematography is spot on. It's a wonderful film to look at. That's where the wonder ends. Whoever did the sound for the dialouge should be shot. The ambient noises (the church bells) and foley work (your basic sound effects) is great but every time someone speaks (which is rare) you will find yourself cranking your TV or surround volume up to Spinal Tap 11. Prepare to keep adjusting the volume and whatever you do, do not watch this at night if there is anyone sleeping in your house. It will drive you crazy trying to be courteous to your snoozing roomies while trying to figure out what the fuck Blake is saying to his bowl of Cocoa Puffs. He continues to stumble around his Castle like home while his roomies crank the Velvet Underground and continue on using Blake for all he's worth. Eventually we come to the end and we all know what happens there. At this point, and I am copping from many other reviewers here, we start to egg Blake on and hope this trip to the greenhouse is his last so he can put himself and we the viewers out of our collective misery.

With "Last Days", Van Sant brings us the eye candy with no flavor. I can see why all the Nirvana fans are up in arms. "Blake" is no Kurt and with the exception of a wonderful song written and performed in the film by Michael Pitt who plays Blake all is pretty much lost. Then after all this, the movie nearly redeems itself at the end when Van Sant pulls an incredibly simple but moving shot in the greenhouse that evokes the only true image of Kurt and you don't know if you should smile or cry. You will know it when you see it.

All in all, "Last Days" is a great looking but very arty piece of crap. If you can make it through the film I applaud you and I hope Kurt forgives Gus. I know his heart was in the right place but he misses the mark here. So rent "Last Days" at your own risk and be prepared to keep your finger on the volume button.


keeping his finger somewhere,

justino

Shut Up Already!!!

I Agree. I have spent so much time using this Blog as more of an online journal that it has strayed far from its roots. I miss writing about the news and politics, entertainment, sports and general observations. The few who read this must moan in terror as they read another post about my "crazy" life. Enough I say. Pull yer pants up boy and get back to the good stuff.

Right On!

The other day Jess said when reading my Blog she felt like "she was reading my diary." I don't mind sharing parts of my personal life with the few who come here. Granted there are only about three regulars and they are all friends or family. Still, if I want to attract a more diverse readership I have get back to the basics. So here is a fitting epitaph to all the bullshit I have been writing about lately and then..well then its back to the good stuff.

And lots of it. I promise.

I am staying put for now. I am giving success here the full shot it deserves. Jess and I are going to make it happen and I have just started working for a past employer in the sales field who actually welcomed hiring me back. Things are looking up and we plan to hunker down and get through this winter. One day at a time folks.


So now all you have to do is scroll up to the next post and we can back to the beef the way it was and will be....

Thanks for stopping by.

Jumping J

Atop Mt. Doom (part two)

The chirping is gone.


The stress level has dropped significantly. There were no apologies or concessions but things have gone back to normal.

Peace and quiet has returned somewhat with the exception of our Kitten who tends to find anything available to cause some type of noise. Its not that bad though, it could be worse. At least he is potty trained .I have been doing a lot of thinking these last few days. I have been playing with the idea of heading out West and leaving behind the cold winter air of NH and see if I can find my way in the sun of the Arizona desert. The freedom to search for answers has been overpowering. Lord Duke as always promised nothing but his support and answered all the questions I had. There is work, there is beautifull land and adventures to be had. This all opened up a conflict like nothing else I have experienced. How much am I willing to sacrifice for peace of mind? Would leaving here be a decision I would regret forever?

I played with the idea with Jess. I wanted to see if moving and starting anew would be something she would be interested in. At first she seemed intrigued though she said it would be a while before we could do such a thing. Soon though she decided that she is happy with her job and even the area in which we lived. I was bummed but not surprised. She has worked hard at her job and she is comfortable there. This just added so much more to the equation. Not only would I alienate some family by shirking off some of my Debt I would be leaving Jess behind.

Suddenly I had to look long and hard at this decision.

This Friday I returned to the Chalet in Maine. I met Dukes hiker friend Blister Sister and Mary Margerita of Texas. Very nice people indeed and we drank and were merry even though the wa conflict in the back of my head was still there, constantly worrying me. What am I going to do? Later, in a semi drunken haze my cousin mapped out the area in AZ in which he lived. He showed me how close we would be to the Mexican border and the cool little town of Bisbee AZ. I have heard so much about Old Bisbee. Still though I went to bed with a heavy heart.

The whole way home the next day I looked forward to seeing Jess again. Even with the impending decisions I still do not like being away from her for very long. It really made me think. The seesaw in my mind had righted itself level again. The call of freedom in the desert on one end and the chance to make a run here and make it work like so many have done before me teetering on the other.

Last night I watched the Lord of the Rings trilogy again. I love adventure movies and more so situations of extreme sacrifice for a good cause. I know its only fiction but the perils one can overcome can be so inspirational. Just how much is one person willing to sacrifice? Do I want to work at a shit hole factory for $9 an hour? Do I want to rent off my Parents and live under their roof at the age of 31? Of course not.

But do I have to run thousands of miles away and give up so much to find happiness?

I am starting to think the answers are beginning to come and they are not at all what I expected. Time is short and I have begin to plan out some ideas. A few signs came to me today. I also awoke much calmer then I have in a week. Its time to fight back so to speak and take control of my own destiny and stop giving up so easily.

Every man deserves happiness but not everyone will achieve this. Everyone needs to be able to look themselves in the mirror and say at least they tried and gave it everything they had.

If I was to say that now I would be a liar.

One thing is for sure, I am not going down without a fight. You can count on that.


Looking towards the future,
J

Down the Rabbit hole (part one)

The chirp from above continues just as it has since we returned. The fire alarm that is hard wired into the unfinished upstairs bedroom has been chirping relentlessly since Sunday. After resetting it then replacing the batteries it seemed to stop briefly. Then it began again that evening and continues to hound us, one chirp at a time. Its funny how such a simple little thing can help bridge the gap from annoyance to total insanity. Maybe its a sign. A count down of some sort. Time being shaved from reality one minute at a time.

Chirp

Chirp

Chirp.

Whatchoo gonna do little birdie?

Its been nearly a month since I last posted here. I returned a few times and promised more to come but none did. It has been extremely hard to return. I wrote so much before because I had the perfect set up. I sat at a computer for eight hours a day. I had the internet and more than enough time to jot down my thoughts at any moment. That was then and this is now. When I was unemployed I had no desire to write. I lost all my fire. It always happens that way. I tend to shirk a lot of things when I am living on the frindge between paychecks. Writing, keeping int otuch with friends and even showering. I try only to concentrate on one thing and that is survival. How am I going to get myself out of this mess? I do fix the problems eventually. Somehow I pull it all together at the last second and start over again. New job, new home, new relationship..whatever. Its a never ending cycle I have put myself on. I take full responsibility for the paths I have taken through life. Some I regret and some I don't. Most I just take for what they were. Living. Just living day to day like every other shmuck out there. I have had so many jobs and lived so many different places I have lost track. One thing has remained constant though after all these years. Not once have I felt content. Whenever I would start to feel comfortable something else would toss in its monkey wrench be it a women or a new boss or drugs or just plain laziness on my part. Whatever the cause it always has the same ending and we start anew. The chirping upstairs is a constant reminder of this.

I find myself now, sitting here finally able to get these words out and write them down . It has been a extremely strange week. Things had nearly imploded a month ago after I left the desk job. Ultimatum's were issued, tensions ran high but again I was able to save things at the last minute though the situation was less than desirable. First off it was putting myself and Jess into deeper debt with family and putting more pressure on us to perform. Jess has held up her end of the job dynamic wonderfully and I have kept the peace here on the homefront the best I could. We then introduced a tiny but significant dynamic to the Household. A Kitten. It went smooth at first but after some misunderstandings and other crap things went from bad to worse. The new job I took in town was a joke. I tricked myself into thinking I could handle a $5 an hour paycut and go back to doing the type of work I loathed and swore to never do again. Jess tried to warn me away from this path but I had no choice. I dove in and started the clock again. Things settled down and were running ok. That was until we fell down the rabbit hole. We were enveloped into a fog that hid some kind of vortex and we were sucked though and spat out the other side. Sounds crazy doesnt it?

This past weekend was the great escape. We traveled to Maine to visit Lord Duke at his Fathers chalet on Moose Lake. Jess and I had looked forward to this break for weeks and after a long sweaty work week and a some problems involving the kitten we were off. As expected it was a great time even if we may have overdone some of the partying. My cousin wrote a wonderful poem on Saturday evening that summed it up perfectly.

the fog

I told them to please bring along the fog
they did
reliable
faithful as Giesel's elephant
better than a five star chef with his shopping list of vital
ingredients
that's Gino when it comes to the fog
Gino and his companion Gwyneth
she of snow white skin, bottle green eyes, tangerine hair
he Italian handsome and of appetite, of a body that fluctuates with his level of comfort and stress
like a method actor changing roles twice yearly
I never know the role until I see him again
Packed on for Raging Bull, dropped for The Machinist, then once again robust for his part in the fiction we've been playing for years, as my attorney in HST's opus F and L.
Gino of my blood, my insecurities
Gino of dreams and potential that grow closer every day to certain fruition
he doubts
we all doubt
together we dream and hope and scheme
while humankind bangs its collective head against walls of ignorance
we cannot lose
we are the hope that the world unknowingly leans on
we are Roald Dahl's dreammakers
and we will have our day
for now, however, the fog is a comfort
the perfect accompaniment to Bridgeton drizzle and Moose Pond's water level rising with the rain, still rising
at dawn it reached the porch steps
by noon: the six steps up to the stoop
by three it had achieved our knees, our waists, and midway up our chests, such that now we needn't bend to brush our teeth
the South Pacific had its tsunami
then New Orleans in Katrina drowned
now it appears it's New England turn
and the water rises til it tops the chimney
but are we worried?
heavens no
for we have the fog
a panoply of prescription pills
one to cure every ill
and in the fog that Gino brought
we float and grow gills
breath long island ice tea and beer from the can
and in chorus say "Groovy" with campy Bruce Campbell
as Evil Dead 2 gurgles away on the sodden TV
and lest our gills fail us or the fog run out
I bring the screen tent up from the yard
set it up on the porch
against mosquito's you know
but we know there aren't any mosquito's
no killer bees
no vectors of West Nile
no bird flu
no me, no you
there is only the rain unceasing
and death for something to laugh at
as though anything could ever touch us down here
in the southern Maine sea
that in the fog, it seems to me, was only yesterday
a cabin in the woods by a pond
On the porch in the screen tent
Gwyneth exhale bubbles of smoke from her Camel Light
and like smoke rings they rise out of sight
to the now distant surface
watching them we giggle, we three
my cousin, his girlfriend and me
swathed in our secret we retire to the cabin
throw another log in the stove and
stoke the fire that still burns like magnesium under water
like thermal vents in the deepest of sea trenches
that spit fire and lava and breathe life into the dark
I think of Bob in Drugstore Cowboy
his comment about how most people never know
how they're gonna feel from one moment to the next
but a junky need only read the labels on the bottles
to know exactly how he'll feel
and I say "Gino, toss me the fruit basket."
He hands me the bottle full of colored pills like M&Ms
I take the red one and wash it down with a beer
because a moment ago, I could have sworn
I saw the fog begin to clear.
-Lord Duke (printed with permission)
jigglebox.com


It was a great time. We celebrated Jess's late Birthday and Rick's upcoming one. WE shared stories and watched scary movies and were entralled at some incredible photos from my cousins recent hike through Wyoming and Colorado. The rains finally broke on Sunday morning but I knew something was amiss right away. Jess had turned sour and none of us felt right in the head. I would have blamed it all on the partying but unfortunately this funk lasted for days. Up until today actually. To make a long story short Jess was completely miserable once we returned and I felt like I was hanging onto my last shred of sanity. I tried to get Jess to stay home with me on Tuesday and to decompress with me but she declined. She was smart to go to work. I wasn't. This sent our Landlord into a tizzy and it ended with he and Jess exchanging words that I have never heard spoken to either one in my life. It sounded like two school children arguing on the playground over a game of marbles. It was utterly ridiculous and sad at the same time. He had finally had it out with someone as pigheaded as he was. They both made some valid points but it didn't matter. The damage was done and again I was the main reason for the explosion. It was at that moment I realized we didn't belong here anymore and something was going to have to change and very soon at that. So for the next few days everyone kept their distance. We shuffled off to our jobs, Jess to her's which she has excelled at and made all of us proud and me to my pit of fear and loathing that takes every ounce of my being to go to. We barely spoke. We hid uptsairs and the chirp continued unabated.

Today Jess said she was coming out of it and I told her that was good. She apologized for some things and said she felt better. I hope she doesn't think this is all her fault. I hope she doesn't think I am mad at her. I am not. I love her very much and want so much better for her. Its not her at all.

Its me.



(to be continued..)