History gets a kick in the balls

Memorial Day weekend is over and we all now moving into the summer months. I was so tired this morning after the weekend I had I cannot believe I made it into work. You may have noticed the brief post on Saturday. A sorrowful quote for a sorrowful day. On Saturday morning, after a surprising Friday conversation, Jess and I split up 2 weeks shy of our 2 year anniversary. It was quite a shock to me I must say and it was not a mutual break at all. I am not going into details but I assure everyone it had nothing to do with infidelity or anything like that. In fact Im still not totally sure why even though she did explain it as well as she could.

So I packed a bag and headed north, back to Moose Lake and my cousin who I knew would be able to keep my head screwed on straight. He was quite bummed as well as he always spoke very highly of Jess and our courtship. I knew he would make me feel somewhat better. He did more than that and for all his help and great advice I will be forever grateful to him. We spent two days analyzing our lives, our past relationships and even had a great debate on Quantum Physics of all things. The peacefulnesss of the lake and the warm atmosphere of the cabin did wonders for the soul. It didn't really matter what we did as long as it kept my mind off the empty bed awaiting me at home. I was missing Jess immensely already. I drank wine, beer and popped downers. We routinely took shots of Crown Royal and toasted to the best things in life that are still yet to come. Monday morning I awoke very early. The whole villa was quiet as Rick slept, still exhausted from the late night arrival of friend Dan. I packed up, not eager to leave but eager to get home and restart my life. I left a note, thanked Rick for everything and started the trek home which took longer than usual as it was clogged with Holiday Traffic.
Once home, Jess called and said she was coming over to get some of her things. She didn't sound very good. When she arrived we started talking. The last three days seem to run in reverse, everything she was saying seemed to come from a whole different place then where she was Friday night. I sat there as though I had been the one who wanted her to leave and she was very much NOT wanting to go anywhere. She said she had wanted to call me every hour I was gone. She said she had made a big mistake. And she cried a lot. I guess it only took her two days away from me to realize that. If for even a moment I though the emotions were insincere or if something seemed fishy then I would have helped her pack her stuff, but as I hugged her she nearly collapsed in my arms from exhaustion. I know that feeling and I know everything she said she meant. I was exhausted myself. All the stress and tension had been lifted and neither of us could barely move.
So I guess for the record we will say we took 48 hours off from each other. Everyone needs some alone time. I guess we decided alone time without each other was no fun.

So it was not a joyous Holiday weekend for me but it had a happy ending at least. During my stay in Maine I made some serious decisions about my life. I still plan on keeping true to all those. I will talk about them from time to time. I hope everyone else's weekend was less dramatic and more enjoyable then mine.


Sleeping Again,

J

History Repeats Itself

"Love's pleasure lasts but a moment; love's sorrow lasts all through life." -Jean Pierre Claris De Florian

There is no sin

I tried posting this the other day but good ole Blogspot decided to freeze up and be its general pain in the ass. Anyway I have been educating myself on stem cell research lately, helping myself to understand what it is and why certain people oppose it. I want to be able to form my opinion based on fact not fantasy. More on that soon. During my travels though I read through some great Agnostic websites. This is the non-Religion I am leaning towards since I have decided I want to call myself something. I mean everyone else gets to right? Since I am not an Atheist I figured I would do some research on religion also. Anyway, I found this great reflection on Sin from the "Church of the Apathetic Agnostic." Its good stuff. More later..

In Dermot Healy's novel, Sudden Times, there is the following exchange between the narrator and a German psychiatrist:
"I have something for you," he said, "something special."
"Yes?"
"Do you know," he asked, "the meaning of the word sin?"
"I have an idea."
"You are thinking of religion."
"I suppose I am."
"I mean the meaning of the word."
"OK," I said, "fire ahead."
"It means, in most languages," he said, "to be. To exist."
"Go on"
I"t is true," and he nodded emphatically. "Yah. I found it in a dictionary in Berlin and I thought of you."


I found that to be a fascinating passage. While I have been unsuccessful in confirming that in most (or indeed any) languages sin does indeed mean "to be" or "to exist", it certainly seems to express a truth.
Nearly all of us have all heard of "original sin."
Original sin may be taken to mean: (1) the sin that Adam committed; (2) a consequence of this first sin, the hereditary stain with which we are born on account of our origin or descent from Adam.[2]
Just by virtue of being born, we are automatically deemed sinners. And believers are only too fond of telling us that "We are all sinners."

And there is no getting away from sin. In addition to being born in sin, many of our natural acts in our day-to-day lives are considered sins, whether they come about willingly or not. Many of our dreams, our thoughts, our desires, even though they may arrive unbidden, are considered sins. Menstruation, natural though it is; masturbation, whether awake or asleep; the sex act, even within the confines of marriage; are all sins. With no intention or wish to do wrong, to be evil, we have no choice. We are automatically sinners.

The whole religious panoply of sin exists solely to put us continually in the wrong, to make us permanently guilty, to blackmail us into seeking unneeded and unnecessary forgiveness just for living our lives.
So much that is considered sin has nothing to do with morality, nothing to do with right and wrong.
The first definition of sin in most dictionaries links the word to the breaking of religious law.
As agnostics, let us banish the word "sin" from our vocabularies. Agnosticism promulgates no laws for you to break. Consequently, as an agnostic, you cannot sin.
This is not to say we banish morality. This is not to say we shouldn't endeavour to choose right over wrong, to do good rather than evil.
Morality, right and wrong, good and evil are important concepts which I hope to discuss further. But sin? It has no relevance to pursuing a good life.

Go my children and sin no more.

J

I hate New England Weather

i cant believe this bullshit.


Why did I leave Florida?

The Beef Busts Out (get comfy)

So I started this Blog in the new year as a sort of therapy for myself, a way to sharpen my writing chops and to basically write whatever leaks out of my mind. I have done my best to keep it updated but lately its hard to find the time. Its not for lack of effort though. Actually just now is a great example. I try to write at work during the slow times except the slow times are pretty much non existent lately. As I just typed these last few sentences my phone rang three times. Yipee. Seems everyone wants to call me on Friday's. Its like clockwork. Enough of that though. Lets get on with it shall we?

So Saddam is in his tighty whities on the cover of an English tabloid today. This has caused a great uproar and the US army is conducting a full investigation. Good! Exposing the human race to a photo of a hairy, smelly former dictator in his Fruit of the Looms must surely violate some sort of the Geneva Convention.

So not much is getting done in Congress lately. The whiny Democrats, still smarting from the ass whooping in November are now blocking almost all of Georgie's government appointments. The rightwingers cant understand why they would do such a thing. After all who doesn't want someone like Priscilla Owens on the Supreme Court? She is only an extreme-right activist who favors corporations over working families, opposes abortion rights and is too slow in writing opinions. And lets not forget the slimy Republicans using Senate rules to block many black, Hispanic and female nominees during the Clinton administration. Quite honestly they all suck. I can only hope some day in my lifetime I can see a strong third party arise from the trail of filth the Democrats and Republicans leave every time they run around in circles, chasing eatchothers tails.

Have I mentioned how much I despise Ticketmaster? So these genital warts are fleecing everyone that ever buys tickets through them. Pearl Jam had the right idea when they took these scumbags to the Supreme Court trying to prove how they are a Monopoly which they are. So today I purchased 2 tickets to a show in Manchester at the Verizon Center in June. I got one for me and one for Jess. 3 doors down, Staind and Breaking Benjamin. Should be cool, I enjoy Staind and BB though not too big on 3 Doors but I digress. So the tickets cost 39.50 each. Fine. Of course when I started going to big event concerts they were $$15.00 You cant buy a pizza at Verizon for $15.00 today.
They tack on a Building Facility Charge of $1.00. Ok no biggie I guess. So Verizon makes an extra buck. Now ticketmasters bullshit "convenience charge" is $8.25 PER TICKET. This "convenience charge" roughly translates into "the bend over and take it in the poop shoot" charge. Ticketmaster has now made $16.50 from me. that's nearly 37% of the actual ticket cost. Then right after you grin and bear it, right before you click on submit they add $3.25 for the mysterious "order processing charge" roughly translated as...."oops we ran out of KY and here comes 6 of my closest friends.." Sooooo Tickemaster raped me for $19.75. They are vicious greedy pigs that deserve to rot in hell and hang out with Saddam in his undies and have to watch American Idol over and over and over again then be violated in a sexual manner by Ruben Studdard as Clay Aiken runs around in a Donald Trump mask screaming "you are Fired you little bitches!!!".

Lets move on then. Star Wars is finished. After all the hype and excitement the saga ends with "The Revenge of The Sith". I saw it last night and was quite satisfied with the film. I am not a Star Wars freak, I don't wear C3p0 underoos and I didn't dress up for the premiere but I do enjoy the series greatly. Basically it has become part of American Pop Culture so much that its hard not to reference the films in some way. I had the toys as a child, read the books and still to this day enjoy some of the Video Games. Sure, some of the dialog was cheesy, the acting somewhat stilted but Lucas put a fine explanation point on what is arguably the most influential and enjoyable sci-fi timewasters ever. Thank you George for giving us this popcorn chomping fun and giving us the chance to laugh at the people that dress up like Boba Fett. So as Master Yoda would say, "A fitting end to a great movie franchise it is, but if grown up you are and go out in public dressed like me, a bashed in skull you will receive!"

A few notes before I retire for the weekend. Lord Duke, aka Raul Duke, aka my cousin is in town. I will be visiting with him this weekend to catch up on things and to properly say goodbye to Hunter. I will be bringing equipment with me that will allow total coverage. I know he is busy editing his great Appalachian Journey which will soon be a wonderful book,(and you should click here and read it now!) but I'm sure we will find the time to conduct an interview. Stay tuned for that.
I also want to say hello to a new beef reader, she knows who she is. Haven't talked in 6 years but there is always time to catch up. Welcome aboard and thanks for the kind words regarding this Blog.

I am sure there is more stuff ready to be wrung from my brain but I am done for now. I look forward to this weekend as it has been an exremely busy week. See ya all on Monday. Till then,

goodbye

Auf Wiedersehen

Adiós

Au revoir

Arrivederci

Adeus

さようなら

안녕

peace out holmies

Slacker part 2

I know I have been slacking. I have alot to talk about but for now you will just have to take the worlds shortest political test. Take it here.

I am a left-leaning Centrist. Who knew?

I also want to use this post to debut a new feature here on the beeflog. Drum roll please....
The dumbass quote of the week! This weeks dumbass, Bill O'rielly of Fox News.

"And 10 years, this is gonna be a totally different country than it is right now. Laws that you think are in stone -- they're gonna evaporate, man. You'll be able to marry a goat -- you mark my words!"The Factor 03-29-05

"So this is just the beginning, ladies and gentlemen, of this crazy gay marriage insanity -- is gonna lead to all kinds of things like this. Courts are gonna be clogged. Every nut in the world is gonna -- somebody's gonna come in and say, "I wanna marry the goat." You'll see it; I guarantee you'll see it."-The Factor.04-15-05

What is his infatuation with Farm Animals all about?

Positives and Negatives in AmeriKa

I often rant and rave about the fucked up state of our country. I try to speak of the positives as much as possible but sometimes things just plain old suck and tend to get worse depending on the current political climate in the country. Here are a few more great examples of politics and religions impact on our lives.

In North Carolina this week Baptist Minister Chan Chandler resigned. Why? Because he preached politics on the pulpit and even kicked out members that disagreed with his political views and finally people got sick of it. He is a Republican, they were not. He often held fiery sermons on abortion and its evils and even though most members agreed on those points they didn't agree that he should have used the pulpit as a political soapbox. "Congregants of the 100-member church in western North Carolina have said Chandler endorsed President Bush from the pulpit during last year's presidential campaign and said that anyone who planned to vote for Democratic nominee Sen. John Kerry needed to "repent or resign."

Isn't this great? Even religious folk aren't safe at their own houses of worship.

So I'm sure you heard about the piece of human excrement that beat and stabbed two little girls in Chicago. This anal leakage known as Jerry "I take it in the poop shoot" Hobbs was just released from prison in Texas after serving a whopping 2 years for trying to kill his girlfriend with a chainsaw. He has been in a and out of prison for many different VIOLENT crimes and was supposed to take anger management classes. Instead he skipped probation, went to Illinois and murdered 2 little girls. Well it warms my heart to know that shitheads like Hobbs are running the streets when folks like the Garrison brothers of Maryland are serving 15-20 years for their first ever conviction. A non violent drug offence. Read about the farce of a case that was presented in court here. No drugs, No evidence just the words of a few convicted drug dealers. God, I love AmeriKa. Land of the fucked, home of the naïve.

On a lighter note my beloved Red Sox are continuing their winning ways in spite of the many injuries affecting their lineup. Johnny Damon is currently the hottest player in the Major Leagues. In my 20+ years of following the Red Sox I have never seen a player hotter than Damon. Every time he gets up he gets a hit, an RBI or walks. Literally every time. Its quite a site to watch.

I had a great week on Ebay. I posted a bunch of crap I had laying around and pulled in about $220. Not too shabby. I still have a book online that is currently going for $50. That old saying is true, your junk is other peoples treasure!

So Jess and I are having car trouble. I think we will have to start car shopping which should be about as painful as listening to the President speak. More bills and headaches on the way just in time for summer.

Speaking of summer I think its here in NH. I'm not sure though. Just when you think its going to be nice it rains or snows or an orgy of the two appears. Last summer here was a complete bust. I swear we were lucky to have 2 full weeks of sun and NEVER in a row. I still wonder why I left Florida.


J

Thank all the Moms

Dont forget to call Mom this weekend or stop by if possible. They may not make a big deal out of it but Mothers Day really does mean alot to them. Mothers are the most underated folks out there. Especially Working Moms and Military Moms. On one hand you have the ones who work 8 or more hours a day then come home to cook and clean up after our punk asses not to mention putting up with their Husbands. And come on guys, we can admit we can really suck some time. But we love em and make sure you tell them that as much as possible.
Then you have the Military Moms. Their sons and daughters are a half a world away, fighting in some shithole country or protecting some people who dont even want them there. They have to worry everyday about their babies and if they will ever come home. A satellite call or maybe a few letters is the most contact they get. Remember that next time you rush your Mom off the phone. So make em feel like Queens on Sunday cuz after that its back to dirty socks and dishes. Make sure we let em know we appreciate it.

Ok, im outta here till Monday...gone just like Jacko's carrer....hoohoo..(grabs crotch)...

As the world turns

So my sister Blog, Film Improper is gone. Unfortunately I couldn't keep up with 2 Blogs especially since the Beef is really my baby. I just don't think I can express my feelings about movies very well anyway. I am an encyclopedia of film knowledge and I will trounce anyone when it comes to movie trivia or any modern trivia really. Jess's mom once read off about 50 questions in a row from the Trivial Pursuit 90's edition and I got 44 right out of 50 before the other 5 people in the room could even answer. Trust me I am not bragging. My current bank account just goes to show you how far that kind of info gets you in real life. I do love movies but as far as writing about them I will not be doing it anymore in the near future. Not that I wont recommend a good film when I see one there will just be no Blog dedicated to my obsession. My dream as always is to make movies not write about them. Onward...

So last week I caught a Virus on my work PC. No, I wasn't on cuminsocks.com or anything. In fact I didn't do a thing. A few of us got it in the company and it slowed everything to a crawl. I was backed up for two days hence when Friday rolled around I had to bust major ass to get all my work done. It was no picnic. At least the companies Antivirus software kept it from spreading to everyone.

So awhile back I mentioned this really offensive T-Shirt site called T Shirt Hell.com I mean these guys have some hilarious but extremely rude stuff. Definitely not for everyone but I applauded them for pushing free speech to its limits. These guys got into so much shit with watchdog groups, the church and everyone one else who voted for Bush. (oops.) Anyway they always fought back and never caved and their company gained a lot of free advertising to boot. Every month they also sent out an email newsletter printing all the hate mail; they received with gut splitting responses. It was all great fun. Well today I got an email from them stating without explanation that they removed about 25% of their shirts. Of course they were all the most heinous ones like "The School Shooting Tour shirts", "The Surf the Tsunami 04 shirts" and the "Arrest Black Babies before they grow up to become criminals!" By the way the owner of the company is BLACK. (They also had an Arrest White Baby one that was funnier) I was shocked quite frankly. I'm still thinking its a joke because if you knew this site and these guys you wouldn't be able to comprehend this choice. If it s not a joke I am worried about how much of an effect the changes in this country are really having. Yeah I know, Arresting Black Babies is very offensive BUT the point is the freedom for them to print and sell and if you're dumb enough, to wear the shirt. I am getting a little worried folks

The state's House of Representatives voted 85-55 to approve a bill that would forbid sexy cheers and give the Texas Education Agency authority to punish schools that allow "overtly sexually suggestive" routines at football games and other events.Im getting real worried.....

Jennifer Wilbanks, the runaway bride is a stupid bitch. If all she did was take off and shut up for a few days no biggie but to call the police and say "some Hispanic couple has kidnapped me!" is fuckin bullshit. She is obviously whacked out and should pay back all $60.000 of the money spent to locate and then make her spend the same amount of time in jail that the searchers spent looking for her. Oh, and make sure she has a nice 400lb Hispanic convict named Chica to keep her company. Did I mention her fiance needs a swift kick to the nuts for staying with her?

Lyndi, oooh Lyndie England. Oh poor Oxygen deprived Lyndie England. Poor hobbitlike little man-she. Oh the one who points out tiny Iraqi penis. You pled guilty but they threw it out. Ohh Lyndie..More Lyndieeee in the news....yipeee.

On a final note. The Marine who was videotaped shooting the wounded TERRORIST FUCKER in a Mosque in Iraq because he declared "he's faking it" then when the mortally wounded INSURGENT SCUMBAG moved he popped a double tap entry to the guys chest. "Now he's fuckin dead" the Marine said. Damn straight he is. I may hate this war and all its bullshit but if you want to be pussies and set up roadside bombs, hide in Mosques and kill civilians then POW. You are now dead, wounded or otherwise. Semper Fi bitches. Can I get a Hooahh?

Killing you softly,
Captain Beeferino