Holy Shit! I just got finished reading my entire Blog from last year. Lets just say it was a "banner fuckin year" for the old beefmeister. Damn I had a shitty year. Lets see, Jess and I broke up twice, I lost my job, my car blew up and I almost lost my license. I passed on a chance to see Hunter S. Thompson's ashes blown across the Colorado sky, I gained about 20 lbs and I had a 2 complete and utter mental breakdown's! I would have to rate 2005 as one of the worst over all
years in my existence. I guess the fact that I am still alive, still with Jess and have a new job counts for something but shit man, 2006 doesn't have much too live up to that's for sure. I guess this means '06 should be good right? God I hope so.
So we begin the much anticipated BEEFLOG 05 the year in review!! (applause).
On the personal side there isn't much of anything to talk about except for the mind numbingly awful year I had and you can read all about it in the past posts. I had to grin at a few of the posts and was surprised to find I actually liked some of the stuff I had written. I am my own worst critic and usually hate everything I create within minutes of completion. There are some funny and interesting posts to find if you get bored.
After we rehash 2005 there are some great goals we here at the beef intend to accomplish this year. Unlike last year we will actually do everything in our power to do them. I had a laugh at all the things I talked about doing last year and never did or quit after a week or so of trying. I also noticed I used to post like mad in the beginning and that dwindled considerably.
So we without further ado lets take a look at the year that was 2005 through the eyes of yours truly, the beefmeister, sacred keeper of all things that piss us off.
Our First segment is: The NEWS and POLITICS of 2005 Beeflog Style! Enjoy with some toast!
You know I was going to go off on the state of politics in our society and the effect the media hason us but you know what? Let me just post these quotes from my pal John Stewart's The Daily Show. Bill O'reilly, host of "The Foolish Factor" and self appointed right wing windbag has been waging his War to save Christmas. Basically he is pissed because some retail stores are taking "Merry Christmas" and turning it into "Happy Holidays" to make the greeting more "universal". So check out these quotes below and it basically sums up the big fat hypocritical idiot quite soundly and is a good example of the stupidity us moderates have to deal with in the media on a daily basis.
From the December 13 broadcast of Comedy Central's The Daily Show with Jon Stewart:
STEWART: "Fox News' Bill O'Reilly has been at the forefront of defending Christmas, even though until recently Fox News' own online store invited viewers to buy an O'Reilly Factor "Holiday" ornament for their "Holiday tree." In the "war" on Christmas, that's what's known as "friendly fire." But, he still lays the blame on thin-skinned heathens. "
O'REILLY [clip]: I don't believe most people who aren't Christian are offended by the words "Merry Christmas." I think those people are nuts. I think you are crazy if you're offended by the words "Merry Christmas."
STEWART: I actually agree with that. I think they're just words -- Merry Christmas. I think it's innocuous. I don't think there's, really, any way that a sane person could be offended by a silly two-word phrase. You know what Mr. O'Reilly? You're a reasonable man.
[Video Clip from O'reilly's show]
PHILIP NULMAN (advertising and marketing executive): "Season's Greetings" and "Happy Holidays," Bill, does not offend Christians.
O'REILLY: Yes, it does. It absolutely does.
HUH?????? What a complete idiot. He is a walking, lying, evil contradiction. Shame on anyone who takes this guy seriously. I am embarrassed as it is to spend so much time proving what a jack ass he is. Nuff said.
(uncontrollable rant)
This is the sad state of our country right now. Everything is an attack on everything. Everybody is whining about anything.. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. Don't torture terrorists......Waaaaaaaaaaa don't let the fags get married....Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa ...Don't put a convicted Murderer to death...........waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa ...let the girl live like a vegetable and drool and shit herself until she dies of old age, she would want that!! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.........Let 14 yr old girls have abortions and not tell their folks............waaaaaaa.......Why did those Air Marshalls shoot that insane man screaming about a bomb on the plane.........waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...I am gonna protest everything cuz I can!!!!!!!!!! waaa....We are going to mace the peaceful protesters in the face cuz we are tough cops and they are blocking the entrance to a FUCKIN STARBUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
EVERYONE SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY.
I am getting sick and tired of it. The lies and the hate. It a cancer that is eating away at us all. On one side you have the extreme right wing fuckheads who take everything in the bible literally and are nothing but sheep who are unable to think for themselves. On the other side you have the far left whining pussies who bitch and complain about EVERYTHING and who basically think we should all run around naked with no laws and no guns and no shred of decency. It makes me want to puke. Has the country always been this divided? Has there always been so much hate and loathing? If God is up there he must be shaking his head and saying "What a motley bunch of fools, hey Jesus, pass me a Diet Snapple."
(end of rant)
Sorry I went off the deep end there for a moment. A tad childish I know but look at the morons we are dealing with here. Lets dive back in!!
A laugh out loud quote from 2005:
"In the past few years, all TV news has become less biased due to the salubrious influence of Fox News." -Ann Coulter Dec 8th, 2005
Hhmm. What does salubrious mean? When I read this line I figured it must mean skewed, or off center maybe but that wouldn't have made sense in the context of the sentence. So I looked it up since I aint into fancy book learning like Anne. Salubrious means.."Favorable to health; promoting health; healthful." Hmm. So I guess she must be suggesting that Fox News is so unbiased that their network actually promotes Health. Maybe by watching such unbiased programs such as Hannity and Combs* and Bill Orielly's No Spin (fuck the fags and hippies) Zone that I may actually lose those extra pounds I put on last year. Who says Anne is callous, shallow and a hate monger?? She may have just helped my peepee look an inch longer :-)
*Check out Al Franken's book "Lying Liars" to find out why combs is so tiny.
So lets jump to the Beeflogs LIAR of The YEAR!!! This award will be given out annually to the person or persons deemed to be the biggest liar and spreader of propaganda and hate in America!! This years winner is.....
You guessed it! Fox NEWS BILL O'REILLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Honestly can anyone ever unseat Bill??? Maybe Hitler could have... well maybe, he did have that funky ass stash going
for him. Let the hate mail begin!!
Why did we pick Bill? Well cuz almost everything he says is a BALDFACE LIE!!!! Don't believe me?
Everything Bill O'Reilly says is bullshit: Examples:
O'REILLY: When you say that Bush went to war illegally into Iraq.
DUANE: Yes.
O'REILLY: You are wrong, because the United Nations mandate said that the first Gulf War, cease-fire must be upheld or the United States and all the other coalition partners could go back in. You certainly know that. You don't sign a cease-fire and allow the enemy to disobey it. Come on.
DUANE: And yet the vast majority of the coalition partners did not.
O'REILLY: Doesn't mean it was illegal.
DUANE: Well, they felt it was illegal under international law.
O'REILLY: They did not feel it was illegal. There isn't one country in this world.
O'REILLY: You shouldn't be saying things that aren't true. It was not an illegal invasion to remove Saddam.
Liar, fuckin liar!!!! You fat assed liar!!!!!
"Those are all lies from Billy O'Reilly, not one thing he said is true. Spanish, Canadian, Australian, and a lot of American legal experts say the Iraq war is illegal. Just do a google search on "Iraq War Illegal" and you will see that almost every international law expert agrees that the war in Iraq is illegal. You could disagree with the experts, but to state as fact that no country says the war is illegal and claim it's a fact is dishonest and a lie."
9-18-05 -- O'REILLY: Under President Clinton, the tax rate climbed higher than at any time in history except in World War II.
LIAR!!!!! YOU LIE !!!
The above statement may be the biggest lie O'Reilly has ever spewed out. When Bill Clinton took office in 1992 he raised the top federal tax rate for people who make over $200,000 a year to 39.6 percent, but he gave tax cuts to the middle and lower class. Other than 6 years during the Reagan years from 1987 to 1992 was the top rate lower than 39.6 percent. From 1939 to 1987 the top rate was 50% or higher. So the above statement from O'Reilly is about as big a lie as anyone could spew out.
In the 9-5-05 Most Ridiculous Item of the Day O'Reilly said this:
O'RIELLY:"Our great ally France has offered the following in the wake of Katrina: 600 tents, 1,000 cots, some kitchen kits, 60 generators and 12 experts to advise the American Red Cross. I hope they speak English. Now I believe the 4-H Club of Bangor, Maine, has topped that offer.Why do they even bother? -- Keep your cots."
Here is the full list of what France offered:
France has 35 disaster relief workers ready to leave for the U.S. the minute they are asked
An extra 60-strong disaster relief team
600 tents
1000 camp beds
60 generators
3 Portable Water Tanks
2 planes
2 naval ships
1 hospital ship
Hey I am no fan of the French either but why distort the truth and lie? And why pick a national disaster as a time to pick on another country Why? Afer this quote was made the French surrendered their entire country to Fox News. O'reilly and Hannity have now become President and Vice President respectively and have renamed the country "Merry Christmas". Everyday is Christmas and you must say "Merry Christmas" to everyone you meet or you will be sent to the prison City of San Francisco where you will rot away with the Pagans, Jews, Homos and Democrats and be forced to where a Hillary Clinton mask.
Youre a mean one Mr. Bill.
Our President George..
"It's a myth to think I don't know what's going on. And it's a myth to think that I'm not aware that there is opinions that don't agree with mine. Because I'm fully aware of that. ...I see a lot of the news. Every morning I look at the newspaper I can tell you what the headlines are. I must confess, if I think the story is, like, not a fair appraisal, ...I'll move on." --- Interview with Brian Williams, NBC News, Dec. 12, 2005
....huh?
"This is an urban environment. Right over here is Juarez. And people are able to easily come into the border - into Texas, in this part of - in part of the border." - El Paso, Texas, Nov. 29, 2005
err or something
"Every new citizen of the United States has an obligation to learn our customs and values, including liberty and civic responsibility, equality under God and tolerance for others, and the English language." -Tucson, Arizona, Nov. 28, 2005
I totally agree with almost everything especially the English part but exactly where is the fuckin obligation to associate equality with God?? huh Dubya??
"Ours is a country where people ought to be able to disagree, and I expect there to be criticism. But when Democrats say that I deliberately misled the Congress and the people, that's irresponsible. They looked at the same intelligence I did, and they voted -- many of them voted to support the decision I made." - Gyeongju, South Korea, Nov. 17, 2005
You see Prez, Congress does NOT see all the intelligence you did and either way how does this prove that they were not misled? It doesn't.
*Current Job Approval ratings
President= George Bush= Now 34% Last Year 50%
Vice President =Dick "Heartstopper"Cheney =Now 30% Last Year 35% Shit we always hated his ass.
Secretary of Defense= Donald "Eat Shit and Die!" Rumsfeld =Now 34%
Secretary of State Condy "Toilet Face" Rice =Now 52% It must have been her cameo in the Family Guy Movie.
At this time during his second term President Bubba Clinton had a 57% approval rating. Take that JR!
*Wall Street Journal.com
YOU LIKE ME YOU REALLY REALLY LIKE ME!!!!
ABC News has chosen ME as person of the Year!! Ok, not really. Actually though they chose "Bloggers" as the People of the Year so technically I should be able to give an acceptance speech! So to end this first installment of the Year that Was 2005 The News and Politics Edition
I give you my a speech, accepting the award for Bloggers everywhere!
"Thank you so much for bestowing this award on our Fraternity of Webbing Wordsmiths known as the Bloggers. It has been a great year for the Blogger.
With the country in such disarray it has given us countless hours of bitching and complaining and copying and pasting from other Bloggers that I feel this award should be shared with our current Administration also. The White House's refusal to see three feet past their crooked noses has allowed us to run rampant with conspiracy theories and torrid accusations that would make a Jerry Springer audience proud. From their meddling into the sad case of Terri Schiavo where they chose Religion over the Constitution showed just how far out in right field these folks are. Then the "quagmire" in Iraq..hold on, us Bloggers love that word QUAGMIRE..anyway, to the quagmire in Iraq to the torture of prisoners across the globe our government has given us ample opportunity to expose the once powerful and respected country we once were as the bullying monarchy we have become.
The Religious right has also helped our cause giving us no end to their bible thumping rhetoric and hate they create in the ultimate expression of "we are right, you are Satan".
Thank you Pat Robertson for being such a jack ass. Thank You Enron and Haliburton and thank you Dick Cheney's heart for holding out long enough to expose him for the Old Skull and Bones war mongering greedy pasty white male that he is. Thank You Anne Coulter for having a Vagina. If you had a penis we would call you Sean Hannity and no one would give a shit.
Lest we not forget the far left in this time of thanks. Oh no they have given us just as much fuel to feed the fire of discontent. The Democrats complete refusal to grow a pair of balls has helped the Republicans look like the "people" party and that folks must have took a monumental breakdown to make happen. John Kerry has shown us just what a rich ,boring, lifer politician looks like and what can we say about Howard Dean that hasn't already been said?
"yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarghjggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!"
Special thanks to Michael Moore for starting the revolution with such great films like "Bowling for Columbine"and the propaganda filled but not too far off the mark "Fahrenheit 9/11" We thank him again for shooting himself in the foot and making liberals sound like traitorous commies with quotes like :
''The Iraqis who have risen up against the occupation are not 'insurgents' or 'terrorists' or 'The Enemy.' They are the REVOLUTION, the Minutemen, and their numbers will grow -- and they will win.''
Thank's Mike, we will be sure to let the family's of dead serviceman and women know that. Thanks to the ultra liberal legislation of Massachusetts, the state of my birth. Only in Mass. can a 55 yr old Women with no traffic violations pay the same in car insurance as a 16 yr old boy with 5 accidents. Also in liberal Mass., where you cannot buy alcohol on Sunday's or open your Grocery store on Thanksgiving without the threat of being fined or closed down thanks to ancient blue laws written back when you could flog your wife in public for burning your toast. And we must not forget the commonwealth's greatest asset to their community. The "Equal Force" law. If an intruder breaks into your house and threatens to kill and rape your family you better run the other way because if you shoot him you will go to jail. And that aint no joke folks. It warms are hearts that Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney will be running for President in 2008. He has done such a fine job in liberal Taxachusettes.
Most of all we thank Hillary Clinton, the transplanted belle from Arkansas who decided New York would be a good place to run for Senate. In 2008 if Hillary runs we Bloggers may just get this award again! Bubba as First Man!!?? Warm up your PC's brothers and sisters!! Yahooo! "
As a final note and a serious one. The Beeflogs true person of year is the
American Soldier. No matter what side of the fence you are one we must honor and respect them for the job they are doing right now. We can only hope one way or another we can get them home as soon as possible. And to all my liberal and moderate friends out there if any right wing fascist even dares to look at you and say you are against the troops because you are against the war you grab them by the throat and shove their goddamn bible up their ass and say:
"Don't you dare tell me what I am and what I am not against you ignorant sheep.Go back to your church or your Health Spa and start thinking for yourself for a change and not what you hear on right wing talk radio you spineless maggot.!"
And if that don't work pull down your pants. They will run like bitches.
Hoping for a better year in 2006,
The Beefmeister,
Your Master of Ceremonies
NEXT POST: 2005's BEST OF ENTERTAINMENT BEEFSTYLE! AWOOGA!
