When it rains.....

On Sunday the 6th I was shouting and stomping along with 20 or so others at my friends Apt. as we witnessed a great defensive Super Bowl ending with another championship for our New England Patriots. This was the culmination of 48 hours of food, booze, drugs and very little of my precious sleep which my body so dearly needs. Unlike everyone else attending I had to go to work on Monday since I had just missed a day the previous week. Lo and behold I made it to work Monday, though nodding off and getting nothing accomplished I was proud of myself. That night after work I crashed hard and basically slept for 20 hours. No shot of making it to work on Tuesday. I called in sick and spent that night agonizing over the fact that I had missed another day and how was this going to effect my employment?? One can only wonder what its like to not have to worry about shit like that. "What? I'm fired??"
" Awesome!!!"
"Here's a spoon!"
"Why you ask?"
" So you can EAT MY ASS!"

The next day brought more disaster. Though I was still slightly skewed my truck decided to die on me again for no apparent reason. Now I was fucked.

So here we are on Thursday. I sit at work, back to the grindstone. Truck still fucked. Drove Jess's car here today since she has the day off. Snow is falling outside and the wind is howling. I am tired. Maybe overtired and under medicated I think. Either way I long for home. My boss was quite understanding about the last 2 days. Lady Luck shines on me again. She so often doesn't I'm quite chagrined.

I spent two days watching DVD's and sleeping. I watched the entire "American Pie" trilogy hence the "spoon" and "ass" comment above. Funny stuff, it took me back a few years. I was working and living in Mass. I still had good credit and had a whole week's paid vacation so I maxed out my Credit Cards. I had rented a huge extra cab Ford f150 and came to NH to party with my brother and friends. "American Pie 2" was the first movie I saw in "Chunky's Cinema" in Tilton NH. Its a theatre where you eat and can drink beers while lounging in huge Leather Lincoln Town Car Seats. Pretty cool at the time. I had just met a group of my brothers friends and we were partying with these girls at their parents house while they were away. I remember a few things, one I was freaked out cuz they were young and we had booze and other illegal sundries around, and this is where I first met my current girlfriend though it would be years before we got together. I don't know what it was but watching that movie just reminded me of having fun. Being in that theatre with a pitcher of beer, one of the girls recognizing us and coming over, flirting, all my friends laughing and my brother, cracking wise, still semi normal, this of course all before the dark times. I'm 30 now and have had enough of the dark times. That's what I call them, the dark times. It has a Tolkien ring to it you know. Makes it sound all mid-evil. Those days you don't dredge up because it brings all those corpses rolling out of the closet to sit and stink up your room, permeating your thoughts with their stench and conversation.
"Remember when you found out what she was saying about you?"
SHUT UP!
"Remember when you didn't go to that job because you were up doing drugs for three days at that Hotel?"
QUIET!
"Remember not going to the Hospital with her?"
FUCK YOU!!!
So when are you going to take some responsibility junior???

Shit. I guess I felt like getting all morose for a second. I almost felt 15 again. Its like when you used to keep those journals and everything was negative, nothing your fault, the whole goddamn world was against you. Not anymore. Its every man for himself, EAT THE WOMEN AND CHILDREN FIRST!

Where the hell am I going with this? I don't know. I think I just got an Idea for a Novel.
Speaking of Novel's my cousin Rick just helped me pick one out to read this weekend and he doesn't even know it. On his website he writes about being found by Inuit's in Alaska. He was half frozen and babbling and one of the things he had said was "I'm looking for Chris McCandless, have you seen him?" The first time I read the name it sounded so familiar but I couldn't place it. So I threw the name into a search engine and what I found was an open invitation to a great read and hell of a story. http://outside.away.com/magazine/0193/9301fdea.html go and read the article and this weekend I will read the book "Into The Wild." McCandless and people of his ilk are alien to me yet I'm drawn to something about them. Maybe ill find it in this book.

Oh yeah and Valentines day is coming. I have not received the ring I bought yet. I have one more day or I am screwed. She deserves this among many other things that I neglect on a daily basis. As I write this she is driving through snow to get my medicine so I may join the world of the living again. She keeps me out of the dark and for that I am gratious.