Your Stop for the Daily Beef!

BEEF: Noun 1:the flesh of an adult domestic bovine (as a steer or cow) used as food. plural beefs: 2 a : something that is the cause or subject of protest or outcry 3 : a formal allegation against a party

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Slacker

Yeah I know, I have been slacking here at the beef lately. Its been over a week since the last post. I truly apologize to my 2 or 3 faithful readers. It has been a quick 7 days or so. The weather continues to get better here and this greatly improves my mood. Had a great time at Fenway Park in Boston last Friday night with Jess. Besides the fact that the 65 degree day quickly turned into a 43 degree evening all went well. It was so cold I had to track down a blanket for Jess. It was funny, I saw all these people carrying these fleece Red Sox blankets but for the life of me couldn't find any for sale. I finally found a booth where if you applied for a Red Sox MasterCard you get a free blanket. Free! Cant beat that. I wonder if Tyler S. Durden of Wuevos Grande, AZ will be approved for his Credit Card. Either way I got a free blanket and Jess got warm.

So we have a new Pope. He is 78 years old. See you all next year for the next Pope Vote.

That bankruptcy law I brought up a while ago here is ready to get approved. I truly think its going to screw a lot of poor people who have large medical bills. But hey, at least Chase Manhattan, Visa and Walmart will get their money now. After all, they have to make a living too ya know.

So pretty soon you will need a Passport to come back into the USA. So if you go up to Canada or down to Mexico you will need to have a Passport to get back in. There are some border towns, north and south that are none too happy about this. I did hear Georgy Porgie just found out about this and plans on making some changes. It scares me that our President just found out about something that has been in the news for weeks. Someone must have forgot to read him his morning paper.

In California the Governator finally said something that I agree with, He wants to close down our borders and basically stop all these illegals from pouring into our nation. We are already busting at the seams and have way too many internal issues to deal with let alone chasing these people around the desert. I have always held the belief that US citizens should come first before anyone else. This may shock many who know me but I actually sided with Pat Buchanan when he said we should build a wall around the country. I have seen immigration first hand in Boston, in California and Florida. I have met many hard working, legal immigrants that had to wait years for citizenship and I have also known a few fine folks who were denied a Green Card and sent home. Lets close the borders, sort through this mess, deport all the criminals and welfare cases, get the working folk a green card and install some kind of screening and probationary process for new immigrants. I don't just mean Mexicans. I mean ALL immigrants. Why should it be so easy to become a US citizen when it is very hard to move to most other countries. It is a priveledge to live and work in the United States . Just because we have become a bloated, bullying, lazy and jaded country lets not forget the millions who fought and died to make us bloated and lazy. I just don't think that was their original plan.

So they had an election in Iraq. Some guy won. Besides all that nothing has changed. Georgy still has not given any time table for a pull out. Every day we train new Iraqi security forces. Everyday they are killed by insurgents. We have control of one of the largest oil reserves in the world and Gas is 2.25 a gallon. So what exactly are we accomplishing here?

Over 2 years in Iraq

1,562 Dead American Soldiers

12,000 Wounded

20,000 Dead Iraqi Civilians


"Change the channel"- Brig. Gen. Mark Kimmitt's advice to Iraqis who see TV images of innocent civilians killed by coalition troops



On a lighter note, here's a story Fox News deemed important to run on their website.

"A strip club in Washington was raided yesterday. 16 strippers were arrested.
All 16 were accused of violating the local adult cabaret ordinance, some by getting too close to customers and others, by touching themselves in a sexual manner. No accusations were made of prostitution or other sex acts."


Welcome to Amerika folks. This is the country we live in now. These are the people who got George Bush re-elected. These are the people who write "local cabaret ordinances" and waste tax payer money by raiding strip clubs because the dancers GOT TOO CLOSE. These are the people that will get Supreme Court Judges appointed, these are the same people who wrote the Patriot Act. These are the people who will continue to get their way until we all wake the fuck up. We didn't do it last November that's for sure. Call me paranoid, call me a weak kneed liberal, call me an elitist. Just don't call me a Democrat. That would be more insulting than calling me a Republican. I'm a Republicrat. The bastard child of two out of wack parties leaning so far to one side, refusing to budge an inch in either direction.
Look at the fine print folks, read between the lines. Time is running out.

Have nice day! :-)

3 Comments:

At 3:52 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Counselor Hackfleisch,

Arizona concealed weapon-wielder Tyler Schweinhund Durden has already contacted me regarding an alleged identity theft of his person by your company, to which he referred to me in his fax as "Penisflogger.com." (you might consider this potential misunderstanding and rename your site) Naturally, as a brother attorney and defender of Our Kind, I accepted his lawsuit against you with every intention of bogging it down in court bureaucracy and burying his silly head in the Arizona sands with his ostrich farm burger kin (sic) that you will never hear of this again, so worry not. I figured if I took the case, I'd be doing you more of a service than if I DIDN'T take the case and some weird fucker outa Bisbee with a crackpipe law degree did. Capische? Okay. But be a little more careful next time when you fill out those fucking free credit card forms, though okay? These freaks do really exist. Use names bereft of vowels, and never use real places, which by the way you did. There IS a Huevos Grande, Arizona, although you can see eggs is spelled with an "H" not a "W." Actually, on the map it is Casa Grande, but to the cowboys, injuns, and minutemen out here in the Real Old West, Casa is just a polite way of putting it. Balls to bones, Amigo. It would do well to remember the words, told me by the mayor of Tombstone last week whilst our threesome, he, Electric Dave the brewer & former small aircraft drug smuggler and myself were running amok in his town harassing the shiny-faced media geeks out there in massive numbers with their ginormous satellite vans and klieg lights and such. Of course, the media were expecting to see vast numbers of modern vigilantes and get them on record, and so were we. Not on record, mind you, but in a tizzy if at all possible. Our aim, that of the Mayor, Dave and myself, was to niggle the bastards intellectually (and with beer) into confessing what true idiots they really are/were. Alas, there were damn few Minutemen there. Don't believe anything you read in the news: they were outnumbered 5 to one by journalists and journalasses (my own term) and our campaign of Tombstone terror was sorely lacking in, well, people to harass. Shit. I've gone all weird on you. Where was I? Oh, yes. The Mayor of Tombstone's words of wisdom: "Americans are living in the Age of Fear.. Dave, gimme another beer." I know. Not terribly profound, but he did add that Tombstone was founded on corruption and will remain that way forever, so don't despair. Come on out. Bring Jess (I'm sorry, I showed him the slideshow!!) and we'll dress her up like a Cancan girl and tell your cousin I'll deputize him if he wants.. what the fuck. There are more badges down here in cactusland than there are people, per square mile, I shit you not." So Cuzn Hackfleisch, despite what your baseball game galavanting might make you think, this is still a dangerous and prickly pear world. Goddamn! They installed a Nazi POOP! Er, Pope. Hell, that fucker was in his teens at the height of Hitler's reign, and you know what that means? He was Siggin and Heilin' for all his twiggy arms were worth. That's how Hitler almost won the world: fuckin' teenagers. You were one! Just think back. If some art fag renegade with Henry Ford backing had been floating around Franklin encouraging you to fuck with the status quo JUST A LITTLE MORE, wouldn't you have done it? Why not? I woulda. And I would make a GREAT POOP, too! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!

Sorry. Got a little tangential there. I am, of course, always your faithful comrade. Just wanted to make sure you grasped the cajones..er, the gravity of the situation, whatever it was.

Speaking of gravity, I owe Chase Manhattan a healthy sum. Does this mean I will go to jail? Should I move to Thailand? Oh, and even though I DO PRACTICE LAW, I am, for all intents and porpoises, a welfare case. Should I be deported? That might be a good thing! A Republicrat. I like that! May I use it? It'll sound good when I'm ranting ad infinitum hung upsidedown ala Life of Brian in a debtor's prison in Cuba. Oh, and my girlfriend, well, sort of girlfriend, well, okay she just like's me but she's basically too busy being a mom and a stripper, should I take her with me to Thailand? Cuz yeah, the reds are coming, aren't they? My stepmother's coming! Jeeeezus H, it's all coming very clear to me now. Stacey no babies, Eric probably sterile, me DEFINITELY shooting blanks from all the drugs. That means the only surviving McKinneys will be...!$#@&%$!

Holy shit.

Time to change the channel. Thanks for the advice Brig. Gen. KipKinkelit.

THANKS TO YOU I'M GONNA HAVE A SHITTY DAY!

God bless you my weird, weird son of letters.

With Love and thanks for finally getting back to us,
Hunter's Lobotomized Brain (on the rocks)

 
At 11:08 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Holy moose doo-doo! Where the hell did you go this time? Your fans demand werrrrrrrrrrddds, Man! I've been chewing on coca leaves all afternoon in this flogging Starfucks-knockoff cafe and breezing by your site every few seconds like a crack whore sneaking peaks at infomercials on some motel TV while being porked by the chief of police and STILL NO NEW WORDS! Okay, who's Kim and how much did you pay her to say that? Well, big electrical storm out here in the desert last night, powerful, extra special with that half an oxy some bare-breasted chica gave me at the "Pimp & Ho Ball." Damn, you can always count on Bisbee for some weird burlesque show, and furthermore for it to get way outa hand as it did last night when my friend Bill's girlfriend was savagely undressed by her bisexual coworker and friend and the two of them got down and nasty on the tiny little DJ stage, damn-near knocking the poor bastards sound system over and cranking up the "we're gonna get laid tonight!" factor by ten. Alas, I was probably the ugliest "ho" present, sporting a poofy blue wig, lipstick, eye makeup and a nice black dress but lumberjack boots and long eidelweiss socks where I shoulda/coulda had fishnets and pumps. Everybody loved the wig and Electric Dave bought me a beer (one of his) saying he'd been looking for a girl with blue hair (I was the only one). But truly the wig was hideous, and I blame IT for sending me home alone after hours of bumping and grinding that surely should have lead to more. All right, Hackfleisch, write on! - Hunter's Lobotomized Brain (on the rocks)

 
At 9:23 AM, Blogger juststained said...

Yes, I promise to keep the words flowing as much as my puny brain can handle. And no, I didnt have to pay Kim anything, she was just a blogging stranger who happen to surf by and leave the nice comment. Now I have 2 people reading the beef! Woohooo!

 

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